CNN Breaking: Broken

I haven’t watched cable news since 2009, mainly because its just dumb. CNN’s coverage of that missing plane being a prime example. I caught this bit of newscastery via TPM;

We already know that CNN anchor Don Lemon leaves no “preposterous” conspiracy theory unexamined.
He read out tweets that compared the mystery to “Lost” and “The Twilight Zone” before asking Mary Schiavo, a former U.S. Department of Transportation inspector general, to weigh in on the black hole theory.

“That’s what people are saying,” Lemon said. “I know it’s preposterous — but is it preposterous you think, Mary?”

So, Don Lemon knows it is preposterous, but asks, “is it preposterous?” That’s like saying,”I know today is Thursday, but is it really Thursday?” Um, yes, yes it is.

“Well, it is. A small black hole would suck in our entire universe so we know it’s not that,” Schiavo said. “The Bermuda Triangle is often weather. And ‘Lost’ is a TV show. So I think — I always like things for which there’s data history, crunch the numbers. So for me those aren’t there.”

“But I think it’s wonderful that the whole world is trying to help with their theories and I absolutely love their theories,” she added.

So much wrong.. can’t tell if serious.. First of all, there are black holes ALL OVER THE FUCKING UNIVERSE. There’s one at the center of our very own galaxy. Unless that plane flew to the heart of the Milky Way (in which case we’ll hear about it in about a hundred thousand years), it didn’t get sucked in by a black hole. I’m no physicist, but as far as I know black holes can’t just wink in and out of existence. Also, if one did, and sucked the plane up, we wouldn’t know, because the same black hole would swallow the earth whole. That’s what black holes do, they eat everything around them.

My heart/thoughts go out to those who had loved ones on that plane, and I’m sorry the news is unwittingly making a big fucking joke of the whole thing thanks to stupid speculation like this. I also disagree with Shiavo about loving theories presented by cranks on twitter. Stick to the theories of people who, you know, investigate things like this.

There are two options at this point; it crashed, or it landed. If it landed, hijacked or not, we’d know. Hijackers would be making demands, or one of the over 200 people on board would probably show up somewhere. If it crashed, especially into the ocean, it could take months to find anything, if anything is ever found at all.

One thing is certain, CNN is in ridiculous territory, and should probably focus on some news where concrete facts are available so as not to further make themselves sound like the conspiracy loons that populate the weirder parts of the web. CNN doing actual news? Preposterous, apparently.

Post title borrowed from @beardedstoner on twitter.


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