Covering Your Tracks – 46

In a previous CYT, I mentioned traveling to my grandparents house. We’d go every weekend, leaving for the 2 hour drive on Friday, just as the sun was setting. As a small kid I pretty much had what seemed like a huge backseat to myself. It probably seemed huge because it was huge. Have you seen 70s model cars?

As it turned full dark, I’d stretch out on the back seat and listen to tires running over ground, my parents mumbled conversations and the radio, usually WLS out of Chicago. I’m pretty sure you could pick up WLS on the moon. It was AM radio in the 70s, so I got to hear a lot of Top 40 shit like “Afternoon Delight,” “Blinded by the Light,” and the like. I also got to hear the first single I ever begged my parents to buy, Jackson Browne’s “Runnin’ On Empty” from the album of the same name. I loved that song. I still do.

I really love this cover of it by Bob Schneider (it’s from a live performance in Austin, TX. A studio version will be on a forthcoming Jackson Browne tribute album);

Speaking of Bob Schneider, go check out his stuff. The guy is a genius. Hip-hop, rock, blues; the guy genre-hops like a rabbit in a sunny meadow– with grace, agility and a natural instinct.

here’s the magic original version;

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tweet of the day – 04.01.14

Indeed it is, and we are. At the very least, the barrier between what is satire and what isn’t has been blurred to near invisibility.

 if you’re so inclined, you can follow me on twitter. — [ see all totds ]

Reset

i see you, painting, all your pictures in gray, only to watch them fade
i see you making all your castles in clay, only to wash them away
..
all that is, and has ever been, all exist right now in this one moment, can’t we just, start again, here at the end. – [ partial “Reset” lyrics © Pinwheel ]

[tl;dr = alex is a dick, i miss my job, i’m pissed about it, anxiety blows, there’s a cool song at the end]

It has been about three months since I lost my job. At the time, now, and forever, I will continue to believe I lost that job unfairly. Three months is a just a blip, it’s also a long time, depending on state of mind at any given moment. At this given moment, my state of mind says it is both. My state of mind is a fickle asshole.

I worked at a WalMart property; D.C. 8866 Jewelry Repair & Assembly in Marlow, OK. I was one of 300 people, in only two facilities servicing the entirety of WalMart’s (& Sam’s Club) jewelry customer base. We repaired and re-sized rings, fixed other jewelry, etc.. I loved that job. I was fucking great at it too. Not humblebragging, I was fucking great at it. Eventually, my anxiety problems got the better of me, and despite loving the shit out of my job, I was just.. out of a job.

I blame Alex Castro. As I stated in the figure eight post, both floor managers, including my direct supervisor, stated I would be fine re; my attendance. Then, Alex arbitrarily changed the rules. Looking back at first, I thought Alex was a good guy, looking out for my best interests. He’d been a champion for me on previous occasions. At the long end of three months, looking back, I think Alex and Don (Asset Protection Mgr) were looking for a reason to let me go. Since I’d had attendance problems for a few years due to anxiety and blood pressure issues, I can’t totally blame them. I constantly pushed to the edge. But that’s what anxiety does to some. I’d always put myself in a position of go to work or lose your job. It forced me to proactively deal with my anxiety. So when my floor managers told me I’d be fine, I knew it. I knew the attendance policy like I know Stephen King’s “The Mist.” I’d read it backwards and forwards, many times, twisting out loopholes etc.. Thus, why Alex’s arbitrary changing of policy, without corporate say, shocked me.

It took me almost 6 years of different meds, therapists, doctors and a desire to rise above it, to get enough of a handle on my anxiety problems to keep my job. There were days where I thought it would be better just to veer into the first semi truck on the way to work, then I wouldn’t have to deal with the shaky, nauseous feeling I get every single day when I wake up. Of course, losing the job sent me back a ways re; anxiety issues. I know anxiety issues, and the constant struggle with them, can cause extreme frustration and can lead to one falling into a deep depression. I think I’ve managed to keep away from that, but I’m too depressed to care.

My job at D.C. 8866 was just another castle made of clay, now washed away. I would go back in a second, if Alex asked. Since that’s not likely, I have to start building another castle, painting another picture. They’ll certainly wash out/fade, but I have to keep trying.

As I process this more, I may post more self-indulgent whining. For now, though, I’m just molding clay.

tweet of the day – 03.29.14

some parts look.. less than safe, but it is damn cool

‘Tis Saturday, go play!

 if you’re so inclined, you can follow me on twitter. — [ see all totds ]

tweet of the day – 03.28.14

Good advice, which I will pass on to my former HR manager (good luck with the leak, alex!).

Happy Friday!

 if you’re so inclined, you can follow me on twitter. — [ see all totds ]

tweet of the day – 03.27.14

I think Bob & Tom have a guy who gets paid just to find weird shit on the internet.

 if you’re so inclined, you can follow me on twitter. — [ see all totds ]